More Than Anything

I want to be a missionary pilot, rescuing girls out of sex trafficking in Asia, MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!

I have so many doubts though and I am pretty sad these days.  I sit here without my pilots license. How long do I try?  Is it time to quit?

People around me try to encourage me.  I don't think anyone has ever told me that I couldn't do it.  The real question is, why hasn't it happened yet?  I was so sure of the Lord's leading...but I doubt now.  I have never been so close to quitting.  Mentally, I feel like I just cannot get it and it saddens me.

I am running low on hope.  Please pray for me.

Why?

This beautiful journey the Lord has placed me on has been so difficult.  I don't understand why things cannot come easier.  It seems there are vines strung all across the field that keep tripping me up. I trust that I will get to the other side but when?  When will these vines stop twisting around my ankles?  I just want to run to the finish line.

I flew for the first time on July 7, 2007.  God confirmed in my heart that I was supposed to fly for Him.  I officially started on this journey to get my pilots license on May 6, 2009 and more than six years later, I have little to show for it.  A lot of heartache. I said to one of my flight instructors once, "If I wasn't called to do this, I would have quit by now."  It seems every time I turn around, there is another obstacle, some bigger than others.  Nothing that I cannot get through but Lord, can I please at least see one milestone completed?  I need clarity, I need wisdom and I could surely use the affirmation of receiving my pilots license. Please help me, I pray.

There are a million reasons to quit but One reason not to.

I press on.