The Hard Things

Sometimes God asks us to at least be willing to do the hard things.  This has been an emotionally tough year for me.  Just when I thought the rest of this year might begin to look up, God instead asked me to do one more hard thing.

My sister has two children and is pregnant with her third child.  They found out about one month ago that her husband, who is in the Army, will be away for mandatory training for seven weeks, in which time, my sister is expecting the arrival of their child.  Not too long after that, her husband will deploy yet again.  I prayed long and hard over whether or not I should at least temporarily relocate to Kentucky to help with the children during these seven weeks.  I was willing to stay up to a year-and-a-half to assist during my brother-in-law's absence.  My sister and brother-in-law are moving soon and their new home would have provided a place for me to stay. I had a potential part-time job (with my favorite airline, I might add) and the comfort of being with my family. But, God said, "no."

Nothing pains me more than not being there for my sister.  I love her so much more than words could ever express. Just typing this brings me to tears, literally.  I know how badly she longs for me to be there and, in turn, how badly I long to be there. 

I do not know why God desires that I stay here.  As one friend said recently, "Here?, Why?"  That is a really great question.  I just keep referring back to His calling on my life.  I do not know why I need to stay here in New Jersey and not be with my sister when she seemingly needs me the most.  But, for God, I am willing.

I think the hardest part is mentally picturing my sister in tears as she struggles with three children under three without her husband by her side.  Tied closely to that emotion is the reality of how much I long to be a part of their lives.  I miss them so much!

Lord, I surrender everything that I am--heart and soul--to your desires for my life. It does not make sense to me, but, I know Your ways are higher than mine and I trust and rest in You.  You are my Refuge, an ever-present Help in time of need! I could not live a day without You.

Two songs that spoke to me heavily today and comforted my weak heart are linked below.  I balled for at least 25 minutes and kept replaying "Savior King" over and over.  After most of the tears subsided, I played "Lord, I Need You" by Chris Tomlin.  Such healing-- "Every hour I need you...Oh God, how I need You."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=tiI04N9SmLA&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0bSTs2KnAs